POT!!! (Drug reference #2)

Drug reference #2: Pot

For most of my life, I believed pots gave you something in which to cook other things. For example: One might use a pot to boil some water. This water might then be used to cook delicious macaroni and cheese.

It has since come to my attention that 'pot' is actually used as a drug reference. Not being a drug user myself, I am not completely sure what this refers to, but I have some theories.

For your consideration:

A group of 'druggies', having spent the night using illegal substances, stumble home to their home unaware of their surroundings. They decide that they are hunger. They place a pot on the stove, but are suddenly reminded that they have no actual food. They fill the pot with drugs and alcohol, then turn the burner to high. Before you know it they have a devil's brew far worse than any 'vitamins' on the market.

The only thing I'm unsure of is whether they are referring to the pot itself or the drug soup they've created when they use the term pot.

My second theory involves potted plants and is so outlandish that I don't even see fit to publish it.

My third and weakest theory follows. Knowing how dangerous things can get while they are using the drugs, druggies will wear pots as makeshift helmets. They run around with these pot helmets on and are marginally safer from the head injuries so many young drug users succumb to. The weakest point in this theory is the idea that a druggie is concerned with safety! What an oxymoron!!

So the next time you hear your children say they scored some pot, they need some pot, they got some pot, or that they'd like to use your pot, just remember. It's not home economics that they're practicing in the kitchen. It's drugs.

And that's why you need to get rid of all the pots in your home, folks. Be aware, be strong, and stay sober.

VITAMINS!!! (Drug Reference #1)

Drug reference #1: Vitamins

It’s clear to me now that "vitamins" are a convenient excuse for druggies to ask for drugs. Though I wouldn’t have thought it before, (what’s more innocuous than a vitamin, after all?) events conspired today to bring this bit of clarity to my mind.

Consider: Scientists discover that vitamin supplements may actually increase the rate of mortality. Hell, if scientists are saying it, you know it must be true!

What an insidious plot! So after creating vitamins to give druggies something to ask for when they're really asking for drugs, the secret drug corporations created a product that only suckers would buy...and we all fell for it!

Consider:

Adorable? Or secret plot to turn young 'vitamin eaters' into 'drug doers.' Hm, perhaps 'doers' isn't the right word...what am I looking for here...oh yes.

DRUGGIES!!

I can see it now. Little Billy or Mandy love their Flintstones vitamins. They get their first dollar bill from Grandpa and head on down to the corner drug store to buy some for themselves. They ask for 'vitamins' and end up with illegal narcotics!! Next thing you know, they're strung out on the drugs and they're selling their plasma for the next dose! Scandalous!

Need further evidence?

Try this on for size:

Today an older gentleman came into our comic book store. He looked around a bit, waited until all of the other customers were gone, then told me he was looking for 'vitamins' or something. Vitamins!! I immediately intuited that he really wanted some drugs. I informed him that we were a comic book shop, and he left, disappointed.

Vitamins, folks. Be aware, be strong, and stay sober.